Look Ripped

Over thirty and over the hill

Ever have that sinking feeling that you’re getting old? Hairs start falling from your head like autumn leaves creating the appearance that your skull is breaking through a follicle challenged canopy, some hairs appearing to find residents and growing profusely from your ears and nose. The skin around your hinge joints starts to sag and resemble a body suite that has seen one too many washing machines. So is getting on in our years really as bad as we are lead to believe? Or are we just falling into the marketing ploy that anything over thirty is over the hill and wrinkles the human stain of ageing that should be removed with every means at our disposal.

Versace a saddle bag with eyes

Donatella Versace has shown us that the pursuit of eternal youth through surgery is far from a guaranteed elixir for youth; Donatella constant battle with ageing is being waged in the public domain under the ever watching paparazzi that place celebrities under their lenses like insects under a microscope; Donatella may occasionally win a battle but she is definitely losing the war. It seems a  to be the antithesis  that Donatella spends so much money and time pushing back those battle lines of age with surgical interventions only to baste the flesh of her hide  in the noon day sun , it’s no wonder she’s occasionally mistaken for one of her handbags.

The less the ambition the greatest the happiness

Great disappointment can come from great expectation, adaptation is the name of the game, bushy eyebrows can be combed back over the head; hairy ears can disguise hearing aids, and sagging skin create a more comfortable fit. I remember an older statesman of body building saying in reply to a question did he ever feel old? His reply “you’re only old when you say you’re old”

Female mountains of muscle

So how big is considered too big? Woman are pushing the boundaries not just sexually but also physically, with steroids it would seem the only limitation for a female body builder is the breaking strain of her G-string, and looking at this photo it would appear the limits are being severely tested. So does anyone find this attractive or is physical attraction just a secondary concern when pushing the iron and the skin to the limits?

Shemales

Come washing up time this bitch ain’t going to be holding a tea towel! Being married to woman that looks like this certainly would have its advantages, just think if you needed to change your tire she could hold the car off the ground without the need for a jack, you could break walnuts in arse flaps or you could just lie around the beach kicking sand in every ones faces. When you think of the time and effort that must have gone into building this androgynous mountain of striated muscle balanced on stilettos one can only wonder what the fuck is going through her head? It’s probably not what’s going on in her head but rather what’s cursing through her veins.

Preying mantas syndrome

Building a body like a Sherman tank has got to have some risks for the partner , just imagine getting caught during the orgasm, this chick is going to tear you to pieces it would be a very brave or silly man that would put his tackle any wear this iron warriors groin vice. Crushing walnuts is one thing crushing your nuts is another, so what sexual position would a female body builder like? Any dame position she wants!

Marion Jones Lies to Oprah

Well it would seem that Marion Jones Thompson may very well be remembered with other sporting infamous legends, recently released from her 6 month sentence, Jones appeared on Oprah and spent the best part of an hour lying through her teeth that she was unaware that she had been taking performance enhancing drugs, jones may have swallowed her “clear” with alacrity but it was obvious Oprah wasn’t swallowing her bullshit.

The Coach did it

How many times have we heard this excuse the athlete was unaware the coach was administering performance enhancing drugs into their supplement regime, time and time again as athletes get caught doing the wrong thing they plead ignorance and lay the blame at the feet of others, well guess what, the Schultz excuse “I know nothing”   no longer flies.

The Clear was lecithin oil

Marion would have Oprah’s viewers believe the supplement given to her by her then coach was she thought lecithin oil, never once did she consider that her improved athletic prowess could be attributed to anything  other than good supplementation. Well  I think we all agree Marion certainly had good supplementation, so good she cleaned up in the 2000 Sydney Olympic games, unfortunately with her admission of guilt not only did her credibility fly out the door but so did her medals and those of her team mates as well.

Just admit it and move on

Jones achievements may be erased from the annals of sporting history,  her medals passed like a baton to the next athlete and her credibility laid in tatters,  but what hurts Jones credibility more than the fact she used performance enhancing drugs is she continues to lie. It’s unfortunate the enhancement didn’t extend to her moral compass.